Dating a divorced man in his 50s
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And after playing doormat and narc supply for years 18!. Your favorite waitress, on whom all your fantasies are recently pinned. Recently recovering from a xi with a 65-year-old celebrity plastic surgeon in Los Angeles, Megan arrived to the wedding weekend licking her wounds, only to immediately be courted by the 72-year old uncle of the groom. Focus on what her interests are, what her values are, and how she treats people. To do that involves conscious love. Seriously I have never tried dating a younger person, never seen it as an option. We have seen each other about five times weekend things. In many ways, dating men is still the same as when you were in your twenties — communication custodes key, intimacy is still awkward — but, with age and experience, comes some key differences.
When it comes to dating, we all know what a struggle it is to find that perfect partner. But at some point, you meet someone that you like. You have all the necessary equipments to take you through the dating stage. All the check boxes are ticked, except for one — he is a divorcee. The truth is dating a divorced man is not a picnic. It may feel right and your emotions may all be in the right places but in the long run you will be disappointed, hurt and in some extreme cases, you will suffer from severe depression. Countless studies by many researchers, relationship experts and other professionals have concluded that if you date a divorced man, you have less than 1% of maintaining a long term solid relationship. The majority of divorced men are athers. That means, no matter how pretty, smart, intelligent and perfect you are, his children will always be first in his life, especially if they are under 18 years old. You will constantly battle to be the pride and centre of his universe. When you are in the infant stages of dating, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but gradually this will become more and more apparent. When you first started dating, he was available at your fingertips, even on Monday morning for a date. But as you go down the line, suddenly Tiffany needs a new pair of shoes, so he has to go shopping with her, Johnny needs a ride to soccer practice, Jane got sick so have to take her to hospital etc. You will eventually have to struggle to even have a phone conversation with him. Even if you do get along with the kids, the kids will always circle your relationship. That romantic getaway you planned, you will find yourself bringing the kids along. Suddenly the only time you spend together is when the kids are around. This is the main factor that will most likely break your relationship. Most divorced men are never truly rid of the ex wives. Remember, she shared her life with him. They most likely have joints assets and even after the divorce, they are still connected in some sort of realm. They share custody of children and so chances are they communicate regularly, whether the divorce ended bitterly or smoothly. At first this may seem okay to you but gradually you will get frustrated with their constant communication, even after he tells you they are only discussing the children. You will become paranoid and every time she texts, emails or calls, your veins will pop out of your brain. There will be occasions where they have to attend together such as birthdays for the kids, communions if they are catholic , children's events like soccer game, competitions, weddings and to some extent. She may not be sharing a bed with him, but she still shares his life which means no matter how much you want it to just be two of you, it will always be three of you, regardless of whether she is in good or bad terms with him. It is very likely that while your divorced man was married, he and his then wife had mutual friends. After their divorce, those mutual friends tend to choose one of the divorcees, which is most likely the wife. So when your divorced partner introduces you to them, they will not welcome you in their circle. They will not friend you on Facebook, they won't follow you on Twitter or even bother to get to know you. Every time your man tries to invite them for a coffee, the will find every excuse in the book not to come and if they do come, you will feel their coldness towards you. To them, you are a spare wheel, a distraction, an amusement toy for their friend. The Other Woman — That is your name when you date a divorced man. You will always feel like an intruder in his family. Even if you met him after he divorced, in the eyes of everyone around you, you are the other woman. His kids will see you as proof that their parents will never reconcile. His friends will find it hard to associate you as his new partner. This is because when they were married to their wife, they thought the world was their oyster. When it ended, the devastating impact is so permanent that the belief of marriage flies out the window. Marriage is a joke to them and for them to attempt that again is like suicide. This is mainly because both of you are terrified of the family reaction. In your case as the one dating the man, chances are your parents will not be very thrilled that their potential son-in-law already has kids and has done the marriage thing. Most parents want a single in law with no baggage so they can be the original grandparents. As for his parents, they will not be thrilled either that they have to share their grand parenthood with other people. Dating someone who is a different race to you is always a challenge. Though love may be the binding factor for the both you, other factors will forever separate you. The people around you will most likely be uncomfortable around the both of you. Your family members will not make an effort to be around you. One of you will always be the underdog. When you go to a restaurant, waiters treat you differently. When you go to the movies, the attendants treat you differently. It may not initially affect you, but in the long run it always does. My advice to you regarding dating a divorced man is... Save yourself the heartache and misery that comes with it. Forget the love factor. For reasons why you shouldn't date a divorced woman, 75% of divorces are initiated by women, right? Means, 75% of divorced guys still have feelings for their ex-s, otherwise, it would have been them filing for the divorce. It's HER kids come first. If you happen to have kids together with that guy, they might well come second or third. Seriously, I know examples. How should I put it.. He said he never thought that our friendship will someday turn into love. He came to India quite sometimes but we never met as because we both were busy with our life. And now I came to know the fact that he is divorced I asked him how long from that I came to know it didn't even last an year. He was married at 29 and is divorced for 2 years almost and doesn't have kids he said. And me here madly in love with this guy doesn't even care the fact that he is divorced. From my perspective keeping apart lovelife but as a human I thought he deserves a chance to start a fresh life forgetting about the past what has happened we can start on a new life like nothing happened. But when it comes to him he is kinda hurt for what his ex wife did like cheating on him for other man and still he is fighting his best to move on. But now when I ask to take forward he doesn't seem to want it he says he loves me a lot but he doesn't want to ruin my life as his involving me to his messed up life. He asks me to find another man who is fresh doesn't have a past like him who I can live my life happily but the more he says that I feel like he needs me more. I can understand that he doesn't want to screw my life but wants me happy but my heart doesn't want to get away like that it hurts me a lot to see him hurt. I don't know what should I do I am just in so much delimma that I don't understand should I follow my heart who is madly in love with him or my mind who says to console him and follow what he says. Me being an Indian I know our culture is different and he loves me a lot to care not to screw my life but I want him to have a fresh start with him and make him forget that something like this ever happened. Please help me I am trying my best to pretend everything is alright but its not seriously I am hurt like hell and seeing him hurt makes it more difficult. I know it's stupid to ask for online relationship like us but his words and his eyes tells the truth that he is hurt. Like others said, every divorced man has an equally divorced woman. I am a guy who married a divorced woman with kids, helped raise those kids from 4 and 6 to 25 and 27, and my wife walked out the door. Gastric bypass surgery and a wig turned my heavy wife into a skinny woman with long dark hair. She thinks it is the 1980's again. Meanwhile I am left with divorce fees, spousal support, and splitting of assets. I look forward to the reasons of NOT marrying a divorced woman..... I feel sorry for many of these nice guys who get divorced because the wife cheated BUT feeling pitty isn't a good enough reason to subject myself to all that backage. Every time I dated a divorced guy I made 95% of the accommodations and compromises. More importantly divorced men just don't have the same wants as I do. Getting married again and having a child is not negotiatiable. Many divorced men are hesitant to do either. I've even had them lie about their intentions and if they were open to having another child. Many just want a live in girlfriend. I'm not going to settle for dealing with all their baggage and not getting what I want. So the next time a divorced dad tries to convince me I should give him a chance it's no way! It's not worth the risks to me. The kids don't come first, nor do they expect to. I didn't come first in my parents 35+ year marriage till my mothers death. Stop this child centric nonsense if you expect to move on folks. Who will love and comfort you as you get old? Or will you have shown them the values of putting your spouse first and having a life and family of their own? It's not fair to judge everyone the same when people divorce for different reasons and it's not always in the same terms, amongst other factors of course, such as age including the children's in case they have them , the time they've been divorced, values, costumes sometimes depending on their nationality or just the way they were raised , even personality because we're not all the same so we all deal with things in our own way and even this depends a lot on many other things that define the situation. So as you can see, things can vary a lot. There's also another thing that caught my attention here... I see where you're coming from when you mention one would have to come to terms with the fact that the ex will always be around; I agree, this is especially true and it will never change especially if they have children together, but to those women out there who are dating a divorced man and are struggling in their relationship, ask yourself if it's because of your own insecurities and because you haven't accepted your partner along with his life, his reality, or if it's because he is not doing his part by giving you your place because despite having an ex-wife, it is possible to rebuild your life. If it's your own insecurities or not being able to fully accept his situation, work on it; if it's him not giving you your place, talk about it with him and reconsider things if necessary. It is hard on me emotionally. I have thought about the fact that children are a priority in this situation and maybe always even if they are an adult. I don't think that it has to be this way. The children are also first. But in a different way. It's just a different type of relationship. I want my bf and potential partner to be able to do both. Be a dad and a mate. To do that involves conscious love. Lots to be said around this issue. Now, because I need more of him and he and I can not live together right now I have to wait and hold off on getting what I want ultimately. This is the hard part for me. And there is truth in the original post. It's not easy for me to have the mother of his child soooo involved and talking to him all the time. No wonder so many men are opting out of the white whale wedding. Who wants a psychopathic wife thrashing you within inches of your life daily. Guys stay single and realize. This relationship stuff is what nightmares are made of. Yes even the ones that make it married for life are miserable. Your given one life. It's all about making good choices, and in the USA, your average woman is really only out for her self interest. Many men I know, through doing Men's Group work, are really working on themselves and delving into their lives to find answers.... I suggest that when women are able and willing to do similar in-searching, with honesty and intelligence, then they will find a partner of distinction and cease to be afraid of men in their lives. Search your own depths first. I am not sure if the problem was with him as a person or the divorce and it's damage. I came to the conclusion he could never love me because I always felt like he was pushing me away or avoiding true intimacy with me. He was the second one I dated and while the first one did love me, I was his rebound I guess. I don't think I'd find many men in my age group that haven't been married, but I'm definitely gun shy about experiencing this again. I am not surprised to see all the divorced parents attacking and making excuses. I am 44 and never married and when I did online dating I was mostly contacted by divorced dads, though my profile stated childless men only. I like kids, I just do not want to deal with being a stepmother. I do not want to deal with things like drama or financial. Yes I would rather be single than deal with them. I would slightly disagree about the divorced guys though. While it is not my preference, I would consider a divorced man who had a brief marriage, no kids and no attachment to his ex. When I met my bf, he didn't have the balls to tell me he's divorced with a kid. He later said that information wasn't relevant. Once I fell for him he came out with the truth. Initially I thought let's give it a shot, how hard can it be, biggest mistake ever! He said he can prioritize and his ex wife or kid can't veto his current gf, but they didn't need to because he was himself at their beck n call. He planned for marriage and said he may be open to kids. He met his family and I met his and things seemed to be looking up. One year later, he told me he got into a second marriage just for convenience of some business deal and in our second year now he has yet to finalize that divorce. Now he did a 180 on his stance on marriage and kids, doesn't want either anymore. Even tho I love him, I have no respect left for his character and regardless of the good times out and great sex, I find myself resenting him each passing day. You go on to say love is an illusion... It's not easy for either party but love never is. If you are with her for 2 years you like being a victim and some one will might feel sorry for you! But because you are a man, you will be expected to pick yourself up by your own bootlaces and stop whinging about her. He gives in to inevitability very often. He tries to discuss, bargain, negotiate the path to a new beginning, hoping that his wife will drop or modify her outlandish claims and demands..... Even his own family point accusation at him. He is left high and dry, with few if any of the old friendships left that he would have enjoyed as a married man in a partnership. He is left alone, without a partner, without a friend, a wife, the mother of his kids, his self respect, his hopes,..... And behind the scenes, often it is friends of the woman who are backing her up and goading her into battle. It is NOT always the fault of the man, flymetothemoon. Yet how rarely can the woman do some down-to-earth, honest self-appraisal and re-meet with the man on a level playing field? How often it it likely that she will give consideration to the possibility SHE is some how at fault, and that, given the right attitude, she might help to rectify the situation and start again? Thats why he's divorced to begin with! If a divorced man is jumping every time hs ex wife calls its an act its called over compensating meaning he just wants to hurt your feelings , if he jumped for his wife when they were married he would'nt be divorced to begin with! All of this is just common sense! Single dads belong with single moms! Why would it take 2 years to see a man is selfish you can see in 5 minutes if your with him for 2 years you like being a victim but no one will ever feel sorry for you! I could have mistaken this well-written, hubpages masterpiece, as a glimpse into my personal diary. If I could go back 6 years, I would have left it as a high quality booty call with a few extra benefits. Even the simple things I used to enjoy are gone. I'd rather be alone and 20 pounds heavier! First of all they are demanding and 2nd of all if their ex did them wrong especially they are less likely to commit to marriage and have a child with you. That's selfish to ask me to deal with all the baggage and not make one sacrifice for me! I would rather date a guy who had a kid out of wedlock because they are more willing to want marriage with me and other kids becuase they never experienced it. And another thing is yes your kids come first but you don't have to rub it in our faces and treat us like dirt. You can find a balance to make everyone happy but many are too lazy to try. A lot of divorced dads want to date me. I was willing to deal with their baggage but many of them don't want another child or marriage. They just want a hot girlfriend who help stake care. Of their kids and. Has sex with them. I'm sorry but dealing with their baggage is bad enough... I'm supposed to make all these sacrifices for them and their kids but they don't want to make any for me. Many were dishonest about not wanting another child. I have a house, career and I work out to stay in shape. I don't deserve to be treated like this and I'm done giving them a chance. I'd rather date guys that had 1 kid out of wedlock at least they want to get married and many welcome the chance to have a child to raise as a family. It screams as if it is always the man fault. I am divorced man and my experience was nothing but a nightmare. My Ex cheated on me and accused my of domestic violence to get alimony. During the entire process I was fighting to keep my good name but the police, the court and everyone was involved was taking her side. I was unfairly treated and almost lost everything. And now I am labeled a divorced man who is looked down by other. It is getting harder and harder to start another relationship and have a life again because of people like the author of this article, not to mention the lack ability to trust someone else ever again. I fell in love and hated that my mother wasn't happy for me meeting someone who wasn't a drug addict for once and someone who I don't have to support and help me out instead. Well here I am a year later after being engaged and he burly got rid of his ex wife's wedding gown a month ago. He holds on to too many pictures and jumps the minute she says so yet when I say something about it he rite away tells me I don't compare to his child. His child is the most unruly child. Getting in trouble in school daily for threatening teachers and kids and he doesn't discipline at all. I do everything for this lil retard who doesn't know what hygienie is. I wash his uniform for school because the ex sends him to school dirty and kids bully him. He is unwanted at school and I can't set any rules at home. He eats off the couch all day with pancake syrup dripping all over the couch in the mornings and I'm not allowed to say anything. I really hate my life for I moved out and left a good job to be with him but now I'm far away from a decent job and he doesn't care to move out the old house with old memories because it's for his kid. I am one of those who ended up with severe depression and so emotionally damaged cannot ever imagine being in another relationship. This was 5 years ago after an 8 year relationship with a single father with 2 teenage daughters. I only wish I had read such wise advice prior to immersing myself into such a horrible mess. I am an educated woman and tried to make it work in so many different ways, but in the end, you will always want to feel special and will never be his 1. I am married to a divorced man, and we have had to work through A LOT of struggles to get to a better place. You paint a pretty true picture of what it is like, and I think women need to be aware of what they are getting into. I think it can work for some of us, but it does take a lot of work. And the factors you mention can also make the relationship very shaky, too. Probably even more so because the majority of the time the kids reside with the mom. It sounds like your position is based upon being single, available and unwed - and in a relationship with a divorced dad. Isn't that your choice? You may have not known these facts when you hooked up, but most people who are committed to raising a family understand the dynamics involved. Maybe your post should qualify your circumstances a little better. Fwiw, I married a woman who fit the male description perfectly. As a single eligible man in my early 30's I let love get in the way of a lack of experience and good judgment. My marriage lasted 6 mos. My relationship with the woman continues to this day due to our child. The first step in avoiding a trap is to know of its existence. If you can't handle being second to someone's kids; you're the one with issues- not them. You're delusional and whiny. I sincerely hope people don't take this article too seriously. They'll miss out on great men if they do. I'm the happiest I've ever been with someone right now, and he's a divorced man. Divorced men are not damaged goods. We have a 2 year old and another on the way! I can see where some one want to bi pass a person with kids, because yes there is tons of baggage and you often have to be the better person in situations when it comes to the ex wife! But for us it has worked even before the kids we had together! His daughter goes in phases of hatred towards me but ultimately I know she loves me and she knows I will always love her as my own. We met each others families right away, and I even go to his families baby showers and bridal showers and anything I am invited too! My family and his family actually like each other very very much!! And I can count on his mom and his sister for anything! You sound a little bitter to me because everything isn't that horrible not if you have a good man, a lot of the time people in the divorced mans life will like you if they see you are making him happy. I will say being in this situation is definitely not for everyone but when you love some one enough and they love you and trust you back just the same you can get through anything together! Also kids coming first is life lol people who are married with there own kids together only end up putting there kids first over there spouse it's life! My step daughter came first over her dad before she even became my step daughter officially! Which is part of the reason my husband fell in love with me! Well anyway I hope you find some one! But remember even if they have never been married before they are going to have some kind of past you may have to get through marriage and relationships all take work but are ultimately worth it! Often I see men working hard to delve into their innermost motivations, trying to adjust their own way of thinking and seeing things. They bend over backwards to try saving the marriage. They want to do the right thing for their kids, first and foremost. They want to keep the family together..... The guy is so often the partner that gets landed with alimony for many years until the kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Conversely, I have heard stories of the wife not being able to reach into HER self in order to sort her own baggage out. She simply refuses to ever visit the idea that her own expectations, her own attitude, might need at least a slight revision. So, I can see where Raine Law Yuen is coming from. Equal rights, equal responsibility I suggest. I did date both single and divorced men. I preferred the divorced men. They knew how to treat me well, but the time they were upset. When I shown similar behavior to their ex-wife, they turned into a different men for a few minutes. When they got over with their bad delusional state, they were apologetic. Overall, divorced men aren't the same. They are those men who learned from their mistakes, or do the same mistakes and expect different result. Meaning, you change your attitude and be sensible for your significant the other. You have a way of saying things that people feel deep within but don't always know how to voice. It goes to show how many of us have 'gone there bought the t shirt' I think people don't change - They change relationships hoping to change their circumstances but fail to realize that they are running away from themselves and need to heal what is broken first before repeating the same cycle. So untrue of what half if you have to say. I have been through one of the most ugliest Deceitful divorces, and one fine day totally out of the blue I meet this wonderful beautiful woman on my own no date services no online thing next thing you know what dating. Now she's totally my significant other an Angel I call her second to none. My children love her and she loves them there is no one first there's no one second we all love each other the same. You want to call her the other woman that's fine by me because she's everything my first wife wasn't,a mother a wife a lover a friend. So for those who want to not give the man a second chance just always remember love is lovelier the second time around... Who wants to throw the first stone? Things happen in life... For my part I don't want to think this was the end and I'm looking ahead. Love is NOT just an illusion!!! You also would never compare apples with pears. I would not have married her if I would not think, this is it. Whatever things may happen, it not always works how u think. But this does not mean, that the feelings never have existed. Of course, due to kids, I always will need to get in touch with her once in a while. Men can be nice, they can be assholes. But same counts for women. It is good we all are individuals and we should be judged that way. I dated divorced men. So I made friends with their mom and she turned out to be pretty cool, and we still get together sometimes! We even spent a week together with all of our kids in one of her dad's condos at the beach. I mean, people are people. You can't judge by what happened with 2 guys out of billions of people, what will happen with every guy. That's just not fair. I mean, I would date a divorced guy again. I'm much older, all of our kids are practically grown now, so who cares? Life is entirely too short. And don't forget, it's entirely up to you if you allow yourself to be used by a user type. No one held a gun to your head forcing you to spend a single minute with a person who obviously used you. When you see that's what you're dealing with, END IT and move forward. Don't linger in a relationship with a bad person, whether they're a divorcee or not, that's unwise. I never again date a divorced man with or without kids because i was on the bad end of the stick twice. I put up with the father trying to date and hide me from kids and ex, i put up with him saying he doesn't have anytime to spend with me but yet he had time for sex at my place when the child was at school, i put up with him saying he doesn't want to upset the ex, i put up with him saying he never had any money to take me out while i paid for everything and i was a dumb ass to help pay for things his kid needed and i put up with broken promises and the ex spending nights at his place because by the time him and the ex handled the situation it was to late for her to go home and lastly race played a big part with the white divorced male he said he didn't want the bad influences of black women around his kids but yet i was good enough to sleep with, help take of his kid and get money from while i was supposed to ignore my own child. The black divorced dad i had the same issues as i had with the white one except race. Both relationships lasted a year and a half i chalk it up to a lesson learned but i would never date a divorced man with or without kids. I have to say I don't regret the relationship because it's been very maturing for ME - I think it's the first mature relationship ive really been in. What someone said before about guys after age 35 without kids or responsibilities the 'peter pans' out there is totally true - there is a reason a lot of them are still single. In my 'quest' for love, I've dated these guys before this relationship, and a lot of them had 'baggage' in their own way: bad irresponsible money handling; porn addictions; way too many expensive hobbies; a lot of single 35plus guys out there im sure are more selfish than any involved dad on this post. I related with a lot of the comments, especially the women who've been there. The post I read about the man's teen daughter sitting next to him on the couch, snuggling under the blanket while she sits on a separate couch by herself - YES - that happened to me too! And he would say 'i was being selfish' etc so it's nice to read that my feelings of being last place, rejected, not important are shared by others. It's very isolating and sad to date a married man, in my experience and at this point I think I regret the WASTED TIME above anything else with him age 31-36. I could have left earlier on after so many red flags reared their ugly head, but I was 'in love' and had 'hope' that things would get better as his kid grew up. Well, I was WRONG and I'm fed up and ready to move on. She 1 refuses to finish highschool and 2 refuses to get a part time job, 3 refuses to get her driver's licenses why would anyone if 'daddy' was a permanent chauffeur , she 4 refuses to do chores, not even her own laundry... I think our love and history could have made it work if it weren't for the character and personality of his daughter and what he allows his 'princess' to get away with. She likes me on the outside looking in an I realize I've been a fool waiting for her to grow up, having blind foolish faith. I just want to say THANKS to the other single, successful, professional, independent, 35plus women on this site who shared their horror stories of being neglected and used basically.... If the guy did have kids, I wouldn't date him if he spoiled them out of daddy guilt no doubt and allowed them to be so self entitled. If the guy made me an equal priority and had ENOUGH LOVE AND RESOURCES TO SHARE WITH HIS KIDS AND ME I would date him. I think it's the divorced dads that can be the most selfish, because they think their needs and life are more important than my life and my hopes and dreams. I still believe I'll fall in love and build a life with someone new. I just won't ignore FLAMING RED FLAGS next time, and I'll just get out if the guy and his kids are really selfish where I'm just seen as an outsider with extra money and resources and my own place, and hey 'what can she do for us' -- trust me, I did LOTS helped pay bills, bought groceries, gave the kid and her friends rides all over town. I really really tried to be 'her friend' and get along and fit in. Just because you had a horrible experience doesn't mean they will. I married my high school sweetheart and we had a child together and then two years later divorced. It was really hard. We both knew we just weren't right for each other and had been hurt by the other in one way or another so we called it quits. It was scary and I know both my ex husband and I worried about our new partners and how they would feel about a child being in th picture and an ex that we would always be in touch with. This article makes it seem like divorced people don't consider others feelings which isn't true at all. As far as our child, yes she will always come first because she is a CHILD duh. Wouldn't you want your child or children to come first if you had some!!? That's a selfish thing to complain about. I do understand people not wanting to date divorced people or people with children already and there is nothing wrong with that so no one needs to bash them. I'm proud of the fact that they can even acknowledge that they can't handle that kind of relationship and it's better for them to know that in the end so they don't hurt someone or themselves by trying it out. Last, all the people that said never date a divorced man need to just stop. My ex and I keep in touch sure because of our child who lives with me 90% of the time but other than that we don't bother each other and I would never try to disrupt his relationship because I don't want him to do that to mine! I am very happy for him that he met someone and he's happy for me and my new husband that I also have a child with. We actually have our phones set up so that anytime him and I text it gets sent in a group text that goes to both his girlfriend and my husband. We all like it that way because everyone feels more at eases and it helps keep everyone on the same page. I know not every divorce relationship is as smooth as mine, but you can't knock everyone just because you had a bad experience. His girlfriend and I do talk too when we all get together for birthday parties and I think she is very sweet and I actually had a private talk with her about just making sure she speaks up if she ever feels uncomfortable with anything and also for me to make sure she will be a good role model when she's around my daughter. I like that we can communicate it makes it easier for everyone. Just because you had a horrible experience doesn't mean they will. I married my high school sweetheart and we had a child together and then two years later divorced. It was really hard. We both knew we just weren't right for each other and had been hurt by the other in one way or another so we called it quits. It was scary and I know both my ex husband and I worried about our new partners and how they would feel about a child being in th picture and an ex that we would always be in touch with. This article makes it seem like divorced people don't consider others feelings which isn't true at all. As far as our child, yes she will always come first because she is a CHILD duh. Wouldn't you want your child or children to come first if you had some!!? That's a selfish thing to complain about. I do understand people not wanting to date divorced people or people with children already and there is nothing wrong with that so no one needs to bash them. I'm proud of the fact that they can even acknowledge that they can't handle that kind of relationship and it's better for them to know that in the end so they don't hurt someone or themselves by trying it out. Last, all the people that said never date a divorced man need to just stop. My ex and I keep in touch sure because of our child who lives with me 90% of the time but other than that we don't bother each other and I would never try to disrupt his relationship because I don't want him to do that to mine! I am very happy for him that he met someone and he's happy for me and my new husband that I also have a child with. We actually have our phones set up so that anytime him and I text it gets sent in a group text that goes to both his girlfriend and my husband. We all like it that way because everyone feels more at eases and it helps keep everyone on the same page. I know not every divorce relationship is as smooth as mine, but you can't knock everyone just because you had a bad experience. His girlfriend and I do talk too when we all get together for birthday parties and I think she is very sweet and I actually had a private talk with her about just making sure she speaks up if she ever feels uncomfortable with anything and also for me to make sure she will be a good role model when she's around my daughter. I like that we can communicate it makes it easier for everyone. Typically, a younger never married female with no kids is better off to date men of same status. Although, there are couples that are the special exception to that. It can be a sweet relationship. I know, because I am in one like that. Also, its possible for a divorced man or woman to put a new spouse in first place at a remarriage - no one should expect it in dating, or before marriage vows. Children will grow up and leave home. Everyone needs a secure love relationship with hope of a solid positive future.... Never date a single man 30+ with no kids. They all have commitment issues. They are all just shopping around for the next best thing and will never be satisfied. They are using woman for one thing and will move on when bored. Ask your self why has no woman wanted to marry or have kids with this guy yet? One dating someone of a different race, the author must live in the back waters of the south. Who cares what others think, I say screw all racist bigots. This includes family on both sides. So same race couples don't have different tastes? Sure I'm white and all my white girl dates love boiled potatoes. My wife suddenly asked me for a divorce last week. We have been together for 7 years and married for nearly 2. I was completely blindsided, have always done all I could to give my wife the world, but I am away abroad for my job quite frequently and during one of these periods she has met another who has talked her into divorcing me. We were talking about having children and it seems this 'snake' has convinced her it would be better not to go down that route with somebody who is away so often, even though I have said if we had children, I would do everything in my power to find a new job and be there for them. I have never left my wife wanting for anything and she acknowledges that, even saying she still has feelings for me, but not as much as for this other man. The article makes it sound men like me are a hopeless cases and not deserving of a second chance and I just can't agree to that. Not all men are the bad eggs in a relationship. Luckily we didn't have children yet, so that is not a concern, but if I meet another woman down the line I have feelings for, she WILL meet my family and I WILL happily meet hers. My soon-to-be-ex has made her choice and I won't let her haunt me the rest of my life. She can get on with hers, I'll get on with mine. Just have to get the divorce pushed through now. I'm only 33 and I certainly hope I won't end up by myself for the rest of my life because a woman I married suddenly decided the grass is greener on the other side of the road... I was with my ex for nine years, married for seven, before I found out she had been cheating on me, and had no intentions of stopping. I have been divorced for almost two years now, but have only tried a relationship once, that did not work out. But having said that, I did include my girlfriend in family activities with my kids. Yes, my ex and I talk mostly text because we have kids together and she lives out of town now. So if I want to call or Skype with my kids, I have to contact her first. Not to mention all those parental decisions like doctors, school, visitation plans, birthdays, etc. Yes, we sometimes come with children, always some some degree of baggage, and sometimes a lot of experience in pain and mistrust. But we can also come with a lot of experience on what it takes to make a relationship work, the ups and the downs and everything in between. And we are willing to put in the work to do it all over again with the right person, if they are willing to give us a chance. Divorced people do have more baggage then your typical single happy go lucky 20 something but then again we all accumulate more baggage as we age. It is called wisdom. I just happened by on this site while researching if re-marriage is right for the Christian father. This logic would apply to all male or females with children- think about it. It also applies to any person that broke up from a serious relationship. My kids will always be number one, they never did anything to deserve otherwise. Secondly yes I am in constant communication with my ex wife, not by choice but necessity due to the fact that we have kids together. However I date a wonderful woman who I make every effort to make sure that she knows how important of a role she plays in my life. I also set aside time away from the kids to spend with her. To give reasons not to date a divorced man is a close minded point of view bordering on bigotry. Stereotypes do not apply to every member of a group. So, for those ladies who think dating married men is a no-no: Stop dating them! Go chase after the paucity of never-married 35+ year old men without kids, who've never gave a damn about anyone other then themselves. BTW, I can give you about 70 reasons why I'd advice women to be leery dating a man over 35 who's never been married or had kids... Many ladies I know myself included who dated a divorced man got... Not a little boy masquerading as one. Now, are there some once-married men who are a hot mess? But those men, are the minority. I am not trying to hijack your hub, and I apologize if my tone is curt. Yet, I do believe that if I were a divorced dad reading this, I'd basically hang up my hat and assume that I'm damaged goods and go live in a bunker. Peace and blessings Tish Comment... I wanted to take the time to send you my Personal Note of Sincere Thanks for becoming one of my cherished- followers. This gesture means the world to me. I just hope in some way, I can pay you back someday. And I want you to always feel free to write me about anything you want with total-confidence. I am always up for new ideas in hub-writing, healthy criticism, and good input on how I can make my hubs better. I just want you to know that I respect as well as love your work and encourage you to use your gift of writing with a pure heart and you will touch a lot of lives as I have learned in my time on HubPages. Thank you again for being in my world. If I can ever be of help to you, just email me at kennethavery5376 yahoo. They will always make you out to be like their ex. And unlike men's ex women there child's father is jealous and will make or attempt physical threats. Most of the time their children live with them unlike divorced men, so you NEVER have time with them. All she will do is bitch about her ex and child support. Dating a divorced man 1000 times more simple than a divorced women or single mother. Marriages breaking up does not make you trash, sometimes you have to roll with life's punches and still get out there to pursue happiness. I am on Match and reBunch, two sites that seem to respect that people can be divorced parents but still deserve their shot at a happy family life. Men that are dedicated fathers and still want a wonderful woman to be an important part of their life should be commended, imo. Stop being selfish and leave single people alone. We should not have to be involved in your baggage filled lives as you get your selves together. Inflict each other with your silliness. Hopefully there will be a website for Divorcees to meet and have relationships. It was a very acrimonious break up and I have worked hard since and concentrated on my children who have now grown and flown the nest. Their father had no interest in maintaining contact with them. I had not been in another relationship since, but a few months ago I met and was pursued by a man who is separated and going through divorce. We had the conversation about his situation but he was adamant that his marriage had died over 2 years ago and he had moved out of the matrimonial home a year before we met. I eventually took the plunge and was completely swept off my feet for a month. He seemed so into me that I was completely taken in and for the first time felt I could trust a man again. He then suddenly dumped me by phone , saying that things would not progress any further for him and he did not want my feelings to grow as he would end up hurting me. I am bewildered and hurt anyway as he was so cold and distant at the end. I am mystified as to why he literally changed so much overnight! I have respected his decision without question and cut off contact despite his insistence that we stay as friends. He then contacted me two weeks after his telephone call, needing a favour. His text was all about his requirements, without so much as asking how I was or how I was doing. I declined to go along with what he wanted and I have heard nothing since. I am not conceited enough to think that he had no right to dump me but it was he who was so insistent that we were so good together, wanting to be exclusive, a couple and an item. He took me to meet his family and his friends, then he did not want to see me any more. This has not helped my self confidence and to be honest I don't know that I will ever bother again! Seriously the worst BS I have read on the internet. With over half of first time marriages failing you are going to find it hard to find a man. And think about the ones that have never married, there is probably a very good reason why no one has married them yet! If you are into the guy and he is into you the other stuff shouldn't matter and if it does then he is better off without you anyway. You meet someone, it's new and exciting, you go out on dates, you fall in love, you make love.. Then one of you realizes you haven't been to your own place in a number of weeks, and you're living together. If it's a good relationship, it'll eventually make the progression into proposals and rings and a wedding. You'll look into moving into better space, and travel a bit, and enjoy each other. Then one day you decide to finally have those kids you had talked about. Kids are a strain on any relationship- as they grow, there are different parenting methods, discipline, etc. Everyone gets tired and cranky at points, and marriage is something you have to work at and make time for. You have to work your marriage around and find special time with each other in the midst of kids and life. What helps, though, is that you had all the 'good old days' to remember, and help strengthen you in the bad times. Your foundation is solid. They couldn't make it work. Enter his new girlfriends. Guess where they start? Right in the middle. They don't get to stay over at his place for weeks on end in honeymoon-phase bliss, or see him whenever they want, or wonder what their kids would look like. This is a man, no matter how sweet and caring he is, who has done it all before already. He's the man who has already proposed to and bought a ring for someone. He's a man who has already thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with someone else. He is a man who has children- you don't get to stay in the honeymoon phase very long. You're suddenly another adult in a household where, even if the kids like you, you're still an outsider. Even if he loves you and dotes on you, he was still in a delivery room with someone else. He still took care of his pregnant wife, and experienced the joy of becoming a first time dad and seeing the miracle of what he could help make when the baby comes out. He's already changed diapers and stayed up all night with the feedings. Even if he is the sweetest man on earth, you're still going to miss out on the best parts of him as someone who dates him after he's already done it all. Even if he's open to having more kids, and loving them, and being there for you- you're still pretty much alone in the newness of the journey, while he spends his time thinking back to the first time he did everything, even if he isn't doing it in a bad way. And yes, his ex-wife. Most of them don't get along with the new girlfriends for a variety of reasons. Even if they do, though, having kids around that look like her just remind you that he's already lived an entire life without you, and it feels... It feels more empty when you share a life with someone who has already lived the same life without you- with someone else. It could just be me, but I found myself wondering if it was as good for him the second time around, or if he preferred the original. It takes a strong woman to go through all of that and not care. It takes a tough-as-nails woman to keep doing it. I loved him, but I felt like I was cheating myself out of life when I dated my divorced man with kids. I hope some of you find more happiness with your divorced men, if you choose to go through with it. Does the author not understand that most people who get married will eventually divorce? Don't dispair fellow divorced guys, if you think available women will actually takes this to heart, you'll still have the vast majority of the available adult female population, who-you guessed it-are divorced as well. Divorce is the logical and, as it happens, most frequent conclusion of marriages. The number one cause of divorce? You cannot say that all divorced men are like that, that's being a little bias. I am in love with a divorced man, and not to toot my own horn but I think actually know that I am the best thing that ever happened to him. He never had kids so I didn't have to worry about him always having contact with her, however, I have a child of my own and he has to deal with me communicating constantly with my child's father. I think him being divorced helped him be strong in that sense. This article could not be more wrong than everything this actually states. Both our families love the other person, we're planning our future which includes a soon marriage, and we're already talking kids. I truly think this was a terrible article, especially to those who have fallen madly in love with a divorced man, you cannot be bias against all! I'm sure there are some divorced men out there that just aren't compatible with you but there is also going to be single ones out there that are going to be terrible too. You can't blame him, you can't blame yourself, sometimes you're just not compatible. We all have our reasons for not dating 'x' person because of 'y'. But whatever, you're only limiting yourself with reasons not to date a potential person. It's not the divorced man's problem because, just like anybody else, there's always someone out there who will find them interesting, attractive and a good catch. So hey, keep hating on divorced men all you want and by all means, avoid us. It just makes my job easier to separate a good woman from a shallow and judgmental one. I know many who are divorced with children and are thriving because they didn't carry the baggage of negativity from their first marriage into their second. I also couldn't relate to this, because I didn't have any of these symptoms in my after divorced relationship with kids!! Lol Such a negative article Might be from some jilted ex spouse who can't understand how their ex has moved on and is happier now. Should we not date those too? Are you gonna write an article on that? I got divorced at a young age 24 and yeah, it was no picnic, nor was it my choice. I did everything I could to save the marriage. The only reason it ended was because she decided that she was bored and wanted to be free and have her late-bloomer party phase. My girlfriend may beg to differ. Thankfully, I have no kids, no communication with the ex... What I will say is that you might want to think twice before writing such a generalizing article. Heck, odds are still against the fact that your first marriage will be your only marriage. If you do get divorced, I hope you read over this and eat your words. Of course, I am sure you will blame him for your troubles. In fact, things didn't work out with their dad but me and the kids are still tight to this day. Their mom turned out to be a pretty good friend of mine. He does make time with our daughter, sometimes with his new family and sometimes just him with our kid. And his wife is a caring person who goes out of her way to connect with my daughter. Our lives aren't perfect but I don't see how our child interferes with his life any more than she would if he were still married to me. Kids need and spend some time with their parents if they're divorced or not divorced. It's simple as that. The race issue first.. The generalizations you are making are your obviously bad experience with a divorced man! There are still people out here who aren't wounded so bad they know how to love accordingly. I had a divorce.. A woman who runs from kids isn't grown or mature enough to handle life situations anyway. Who in the hell has ever met a man or woman in a perfect situation?? How many lives were saved by this ridiculous article? To those it helped kudos to you.. This day and time almost anyone you are dating is divorced and has children. I have children and I'm divorced. My ex and I get along and I get along great with his wife. I see her as someone who shares in taking care of my kid when he isn't with me. She is very kind and he loves her. I'm not a jealous person so I guess that's why this works? I'm also dating a divorced man and I love the way he is with his kids! He puts them first and I wouldn't respect him if he didn't. I'm not intimidated by his ex in the least. She is still a part of his life because they do have children, just as I have to discuss things and issues with my ex. I know he loves me and I'm very confident in who I am as a woman and a mother. If you are jealous of someone's ex and their kids, then you need to get some counseling because those are insecurity issues and you will not be successful in any relationship, whether divorced or not. So I can completely ignore them from now on. Never in my life have I heard of such bias crap. Honestly think it over if he willing to place you before his own flesh and blood how long before you get replaced? Then comes the ex. She is an ex for a reason....... Do you honestly think anyone in there right mind would deal with the issues of getting divorced just to hook back up with her. Then comes child support if he is not paying it is that really what you want in your life. Someone who will create responsibility then run from it? I swear this sounds like it was written by some spoiled 20 year old pretending to be all grown up. Oh the poor thing. They were just so incompatible. And no worries about the kids as he will promptly DISCARD them After all its ALL ABOUT HIM and HIS NEEDS right? So he will ignore his ex his childrens and all obligations to them. He won't be attending them or spending his precious resources on gifts or his children's needs. He'll just be soooo into YOU. Oh thank god he found you. SIDENITE: the wives file for dv 75% of the time because their douchbag narcissistic husbands abuse manipulate lie to and gaslight them like crazy!!! And after playing doormat and narc supply for years 18!! He replaced me in 9! He never contacts or provides for our teen daughters. I feel nothing for my ex so that is not even a factor for my girlfriend. My ex and I have a constructive and polite relationship and my ex and new girlfriend get along well. My friends and hers are glad we are happy and hope we both find new love. Dating a divorced man that is well adjusted is better than a swinging single. We know what we want which is a stable loving and long lasting relationship. It was a horrible experience and I always came off 3rd best. Ultimately its my fault that allowed this to happen. Never again and Im perfectly fine by that. I have too much going on nowadays and Im in all honesty not intetested in marriage or kids anymore. If she can't do this, for any reason, and then ends up being sole parent to a young man, then she needs to find a collection of trusted men who can mentor the young man into becoming an adult man. She cannot do the job herself as a woman. In the same way, a father as sole parent surely needs to engage the trusted women around him to mentor his daughter. First of all, lets stop putting all the blame on the woman. I am a damn good women but left because my ex husband was a mama's boy who put the needs of his parents, siblings and friends before me and his Autistic son. I couldn't care less if the man has been married and has kids, the kids come first and if you are not mature enough to deal with that, date men who are single without kids and ex wives. I have to admit that my ex has dated other women during the divorce and those women were not keepers at all, they could not understand why he was paying child support or why he needed to come to NYC where I am from to see his son. I am from NYC and he is from Wyoming, we met when he was working in NYC and living at the time. I am not the type who will stay quiet when someone wants to question his relationship with his son and the finances behind having a son with special needs. It was always my job to set the record straight with these women. I would tell him that he is the one who needs to set the record straight and that it should not be me. I am a Bronx girl, dress well, keep myself in shape and keep up my appearance and the woman he dated was jealous, hey if he was such a catch would you think I would have stayed with him in the first place? It took years to get him to see how hard it was for me and now he is the best dad to our son. It goes both ways, I am not the easiest to get along with but my son comes first and that goes for any relationship I get into as well as who he dates, especially when you have a child with special needs. Login This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. Akismet This is used to detect comment spam. HubPages Google Analytics This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. HubPages Traffic Pixel This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. 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